Melanie 2.0 on World Suicide Prevention Day

World Suicide Prevention Day… what does this day mean to me?

Last year on Suicide Prevention Day I was struggling to find my way in my new role, one I was not quite comfortable in…  Attempt Survivor

I had recently become involved with the Out of the Darkness community walk on Oahu, and the President encouraged the committee to post on FaceBook “why we cannot be replaced”. That was a huge step for me, but I decided I wanted to attempt to speak out. I had finally broke my silence I wanted to push outside of my comfort level.

This is what I shared last year on FaceBook:

I cannot be replaced

World Suicide Prevention Day. I cannot be replaced because, I know that Doug and I are one unit that work in sync. I know I’d be miserable without him, and he without me. I am a mom to my son Seth, and even though he will be 21 next month, he will always be my little boy and my heart. Loosing a parent at a young age, I know all of the life events I wish my dad was around for, and I want to be there for Seth as long as God allows. For my niece DeVen, to be at her side as she walked down the aisle last summer to marry Jeremy, and all the other life events that come their way, I want to be there to love and support them through each one. For my dear cousin Michelle, who has listened to me laugh and cry, sharing in the good and the bad. I cannot express in words what her love and friendship mean to me. She’s my family by birth, but my friend but choice. For my longest and dearest friend, Tonya, whom I’ve known since the “whale spout” days, and who knows more about me than many, and for keeping secrets…well, secret. We’ve made countless memories together, but the joy is in reliving those memories and laughing together. Last but not least, Kerry who is a new friend, but one I firmly believe God has put into my life for a reason, this reason. In the last two years I haven’t shared much or let new people get close, but I am self aware enough to know when a door has been opened, and it’s safe to walk through. There are many other people that I love and count on, and I know they count on me. I know I cannot be replaced!Fast forward one year, and I feel like a new version of myself.

The progress I have made since then is remarkable. I have started a blog, I have stopped hiding behind fear, and I am owning who I am now.  Forever, I had put on a brave face, and then I had hidden behind my fear and shame for attempting to take my life by suicide. Tonight, as I sit here finally able to have a few minutes of quiet, I am proud of who I am becoming. Not only have I been able to be an active participant in the walk this year, but I’m humbled to be a guest speaker at the opening ceremony.

I was grateful that I accepted the challenge to share “Why I cannot be replaced” last year. This year I purchased my World Suicide Prevention Day pack from To Write Love on her Arms, (TWLOHA) and I am proud to share my story and why No One Else Can Play My Part.

Why No One Else Can Play My Part 2014

Why No One Else Can Play My Part 2014

#NoOneElse14

I was recently challenged  by a high school friend to publicly state three things each, for seven days that I am grateful for; the challenge was accepted. Phil is a family therapist, who is honest about his personal struggles,  and he has helped me to be honest and grow in my new role as attempt survivor. He’s asked me hard questions, and really pushed me to think of the answer that applies, not what will just placate.  I appreciate his insight and friendship.

This is my story to tell

This is my story to tell

Last year on World Suicide Prevention Day I felt like I was going through the motions, this year I feel like I am finally in motion!

 

To Write Love on Hers Arms - World Suicide Prevention Day campagin

To Write Love on Hers Arms – World Suicide Prevention Day campaign

 

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