World Suicide Prevention Day… what does this day mean to me? That’s how I started my blog post last year and I thought I had come so far from the year before, and I had!
When I woke up this morning my Facebook memory was the picture I had posted two years ago for World Suicide Prevention Day and I was petrified when I posted, it took me about six hours to get the courage to post it. It would have been easy enough to post the support and move on, but I was ready to break my silence and begin living my life again.
So what has changed for me since last year…
From a suicide awareness point, I spoke at the Out of the Darkness Walk on Oahu, I spoke on a radio talk show – Power to the People and a few other speaking engagements to share my story. I was invited by the State of Hawaii to a storytelling seminar that is used now for prevention in Hawaii. I have attended ASIST and facilitator training to gain a better understanding how I can affect change from my point of view. In my opinion, I have been afforded some amazing opportunities.
On a personal note, I became a Team Beachbody coach after I met Traci Morrow. I felt up to that day I was getting back in shape, but in talking to Traci she helped me realize my story can inspire and help others live healthier lives; mentally and physically.
For my family, we have moved all the way across the United States from Hawaii to North Carolina, but I am making connections here with people in the Suicide Prevention community. I will be a virtual walker in the Out of the Darkness walk this year for the state of North Carolina, and yes I am fundraising! Our son Seth is still living in California, working and living a much more fulfilled life.
How do I feel about me today? I am happier, more free! I recently read a book, “Will I Ever Be Good Enough”? and it has helped me to understand that what led up to that night I overdosed was a cumulation of so many things in my life. I have always taken responsibility for my overdose, for the other attempts and threats; but I felt there was something holding me back, and the book unlocked the final piece of the puzzle.
What I know is I will turn 45 tomorrow and I am a strong, caring, beautiful, loving woman who has a family that loves her! I am grateful everyday for my husband Doug and my son Seth, without them I am not sure where I would be… They stood by my side through the darkest of days. I am humbled by the love of my niece Deven, her husband Jeremy along with their son Reid. Deven is like a second child to me and I know my sister can look down from heaven and know that her daughter is loved on earth by her only sister, me! We are honored to claim them as daughter/son-in-law/grandson. Some people oppose those titles, and there was a day I would have cared about being judged by the small minded individuals; that day has passed! If you have an issue, try looking inside yourself instead of judging me; frankly your opinion does not define me or my relationships. Thank you all for the love and support you show me everyday! I love you ❤
In closing, I am a happier person today, I feel l am making a difference in the lives of people by sharing my suicide attempt story. I know I am making a difference in helping people realize their health and fitness goals. I know I am fiercely loved and valued by God.
I look forward to what Melanie 4.0 has to share next year! Bring it on!