Fire Away


Several months ago this video was posted on Facebook by a friend who lost her brother to suicide, and I planned to write on it then…. and since we have been at our current duty station I have been absent from my blog.  My apologies on that, and I vow to be more present!

After leaving a meeting with a fellow spouse yesterday who I had just shared my suicide attempt story with I heard this song on the way home.  It was interesting to listen to the song without the video, I did not get the same perspective.  I had already seen it so my takeaway is what the video portrays.  As heartbreaking as it is, I love appreciate the voice it gives to mental health issues and suicide.

My take away from listening and not seeing the video was simple…

It takes an amazing man to not only stand up next to me, but to continue to love and support me. Our love has grown deeper and he has stood by me and not let my suicide attempt break us apart. To Doug, my amazing husband and best friend thank you for always standing tall by my side and for all the times you held me up when I couldn’t stand alone. 

I love you today, tomorrow and forever

**Warning this video contains content that may be difficult for some viewers.**

If you need someone to talk to please call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) and you will be connected to a skilled, trained counselor in your area 24/7. No matter what problems you are dealing with I want you to find a reason to keep on living.


My goals for 2016

  • psycheplays_hello-2016_01
    Having goals is not enough, I need to think about them, write them down, and share them to keep myself accountable.
  • Have you set your goals for 2016?
  • I would love to help you achieve your health and fitness goals this year!

🔛For me, so far I feel like I am on track with my fitness, I am getting my workouts in daily with the new Hammer & Chisel 🔨🗡 program and so far I love it 🙌🏼❤️

🔜 I would like to decrease my body fat percentage back to where it was or below in the summer 2016 which was 18.2%.

🔝Professionally I want to work on growing and developing a larger Beachbody Team and reach diamond 💎status in the first quarter.

🆙 I want to develop more time toward personal development with reading about self improvement and leadership.

🆓 I want to develop a closer relationship with God, an area in my life I feel I’ve strayed over the last few duty assignments (4+ years 😐)

💯 I want to develop myself into a stronger coach to help others achieve this health and fitness goals.

🆎 🅰🅱 🆎 I want defined abs 🤗

📚📝 I want to determine the next educational step I can take into becoming an effective 6339924c62a943a2db0136896b93806acoach, focusing on nutrition. 🍏🍋🍒🍆🌶

💻⌨🖱 I want to focus on blogging again

💰💳 I want to make our family financially stronger.

Melanie 3.0

World Suicide Prevention Day… what does this day mean to me?  That’s how I started my blog post last year and I thought I had come so far from the year before, and I had!

When I woke up this morning my Facebook memory was the picture I had posted two years ago for World Suicide Prevention Day and I was petrified when I posted, it took me about six hours to get the courage to post it. It would have been easy enough to post the support and move on, but I was ready to break my silence and begin living my life again.

So what has changed for me since last year…

From a suicide awareness point, I spoke at the Out of the Darkness Walk on Oahu, I spoke on a radio talk show – Power to the People and a few other speaking engagements to share my story. I was invited by the State of Hawaii to a storytelling seminar that is used now for prevention in Hawaii. I have attended ASIST and facilitator training to gain a better understanding how I can affect change from my point of view. In my opinion, I have been afforded some amazing opportunities.

On a personal note, I became a Team Beachbody coach after I met Traci Morrow.  I felt up to that day I was getting back in shape, but in talking to Traci she helped me realize my story can inspire and help others live healthier lives; mentally and physically.

For my family, we have moved all the way across the United States from Hawaii to North Carolina, but I am making connections here with people in the Suicide Prevention community.  I will be a virtual walker in the Out of the Darkness walk this year for the state of North Carolina, and yes I am fundraising!  Our son Seth is still living in California, working and living a much more fulfilled life.

How do I feel about me today? I am happier, more free!  I recently read a book, “Will I Ever Be Good Enough”? and it has helped me to understand that what led up to that night I overdosed was a cumulation of so many things in my life.  I have always taken responsibility for my overdose, for the other attempts and threats; but I felt there was something holding me back, and the book unlocked the final piece of the puzzle.

What I know is I will turn 45 tomorrow and I am a strong, caring, beautiful, loving woman who has a family that loves her! I am grateful everyday for my husband Doug and my son Seth, without them I am not sure where I would be… They stood by my side through the darkest of days. I am humbled by the love of my niece Deven, her husband Jeremy along with their son Reid. Deven is like a second child to me and I know my sister can look down from heaven and know that her daughter is loved on earth by her only sister, me! We are honored to claim them as daughter/son-in-law/grandson. Some people oppose those titles, and there was a day I would have cared about being judged by the small minded individuals; that day has passed! If you have an issue, try looking inside yourself instead of judging me; frankly your opinion does not define me or my relationships. Thank you all for the love and support you show me everyday! I love you ❤

In closing, I am a happier person today, I feel l am making a difference in the lives of people by sharing my suicide attempt story. I know I am making a difference in helping people realize their health and fitness goals.  I know I am fiercely loved and valued by God.

I look forward to what Melanie 4.0 has to share next year! Bring it on!


We’ll See You Tomorrow #WSPD15


No One Else Can Play Your Part #WSPD14

I cannot be replaced #WSPD13

I cannot be replaced